Monday, September 29, 2008

The Lord works in mysterious ways!

In the last week, 2 close people in my life, my sister-in-law and my good friend both told me they were pregnant. My co-worker, who is amazing and a good couple friend of mine had miscarriages. Today on Oprah, there were 2 women addicted to heroin that were either mothers or pregnant. The Lord sure does work in mysterious ways.

You see I am Type A and really good at math. I like black and white and avoid the gray. I believe that everything should have a clear answer. Today clear answers seem non-existent. I still don't know if I am prego. We are waiting to see if "Flo" comes to town on Saturday (TMI...sorry). If I am not though I will struggle because I am a good person, half of a loving couple, intelligent and giving and I only have one wish left in my life to be fulfilled and that is to be a mom. I will struggle because some heroin addict in the middle of Ohio is 5 months pregnant right now and I won't be. I am not saying she is a bad person because I don't know her but I can tell you she is making bad choices for that little baby inside her.

The Lord sure does work in mysterious ways!

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

I hurt

So today sucked! I got the shit beat out of me at work. Yes, literally but also figuratively. I work hard to be consistant, modify behaviors, have boundaries and high standards. I reteach all day long common things that most children do naturally like ask before taking something, using a tissue instead of your finger or shirt, eating food with utensils instead of hands. Sometimes all the training in the world, sprinkled with the heaviest dose of patience just won't help with the kids I work with each day.
We are taught to use restraints to use when a child is a danger to themselves or others. Why is it that when I get the child in the restraint they hurt me more than when they weren't in it? How will I do this job when I do get prego?
Speaking of prego, no word yet. Now crazy symptoms today except exhaustion but I think that might have to do more with life in general than being a symptom.
Some side notes...
check out for a really cool radio station site

Peace, not hair grease!

Tuesday, September 23, 2008


This is my first blog, I find it so emo of me and then again I find it a nice escape to just be me. Maybe there is an inner emo in here somewhere. I enjoy writing and at times even consider myself a good writer. I love to read blogs, they are so insightful at times. I started this one for a reason unlike others I think. I started to share our "hopefully" baby journey. The funny thing is...there is no baby yet.

Scott and I officially started last month with no success. This month's trying is done and now it's a waiting game. Only this time I am starting to either experience things or I am making shit up and need to have my head checked. This morning I woke up with no sense of taste for my buttered Eggo's sprinkled with Cinnamon and of my favorites and it mine as well have been water smothered with water. Then, about an hour later the taste of metal took over my mouth. I brushed, I popped mints and drank tons of water but it lingered until about 11:00 am. I Google everything, so of course I googled to see if these were signs of pregnancy. My search resulted in someone, somewhere, experiencing that at some point during a pregnancy but no true proof it was a sign of pregnancy.

I checked my boobs all day. Nothing so far. Everyone says that it is the tell tale sign. They look the same size, color and don't feel any different. Of course conception, if it did occur, happened within the week so I am sure it's too early to experience much.

Everyone says "It's in the Lord's hands" as if I don't know that or something. Then I start to freak out because what if HE thinks I am too busy right now to have a baby with my full time job and 5 college classes. Or what if HE thinks I don't have enough money for a kid right now or I am not going to church enough to be ready.

I am type A people! I chart my temperature, signs of fertility and every pill I put in my mouth in a computer program, so the fact that this is out of my control is getting to me a little. I hope HE blesses us very soon because I don't know if I could do this for months or years.

I want to blog once I am pregnant so I can share with everyone the journey that occurs over 9 months. I want to share in the ups and downs, the funnies and the tears, and most of all I just want to share this amazing experience with my friends and family.

So here is my official blog...hope you stay tuned to see what is to come.